News of the Obvious: Teens like getting it on

The Washington Post reports: Premarital Abstinence Pledges Ineffective.

Despite the demise of bands like Warrant and Poison, teens like getting it on, no matter who they promise they won’t — and they’re not always safe about it:

The new analysis of data from a large federal survey found that more than half of youths became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they had taken a “virginity pledge,” but that the percentage who took precautions against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases was 10 points lower for pledgers than for non-pledgers.

I’ve known for a long time that the only way to make abstinence work is to lock the teenager in your basement. Which reminds me, this will have to be a short piece as I have to take more Papa John’s and Fanta down to the basement. (Teens also eat a lot!)

Some other gems from the article:

“Previous studies would compare a mixture of apples and oranges,” Rosenbaum said. “I tried to pull out the apples and compare only the apples to other apples.”

Well, Dr Rosenbaum, we all know the kind of trouble that apples have been credited with starting.

This somewhat good news, that it may take more than a simple pledge to keep teens in the know about sex and its consequences received a befuddling reaction from the National Abstinence Education Association:

“Abstinence education programs provide accurate information on the level of protection offered through the typical use of condoms and contraception,” she [Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association ] said. “Students understand that while condoms may reduce the risk of infection and/or pregnancy, they do not remove the risk.”

The message here would seem to be that abstinence is best prevention, because if you can’t start the car, you can’t crash it. But if you’re going to drive, fuck the seatbelts because they’re not 100% foolproof.

3 Responses

  1. I didn’t grow up having sex shoved down my throat, er…no pun intended, and I was into my 20s before I started “getting it on”. The reason certainly wasn’t because I promised mommy and daddy that I’d wait until I got married. It certainly wasn’t because I didn’t want to. It was mostly because I knew so little that I was really worried that I’d look like a flaming idiot having little-to-no clue what things looked like or where things went or what you did with them once you got them there. Knowledge isn’t always power. All I really learned in my Sex Ed class was that I could get pregnant doing it and mom and dad would kill me if that happened.

    Sex has become incredibly blase. Kids and adults talk in vulgar ways together, rape has become a passe verb used to describe any time one has been violated (i.e. being raped by an exam), and parents are building little apartment suites in their basements coupled with a 5-year plan to accommodate the little darlings getting knocked up . Well, shit. If I’d have known getting knocked up at 15 would have guaranteed babysitters every Friday night (any night really if you have a lame younger sibling at home with no social life), no rent, and the ability to go and do as you’d please well…I wouldn’t have waited so damn long. Now I’m fucked with a full-time job and bills to pay and god forbid I have a little bugger and have to pay oodles for child-care as me and my honey have to both show up to work every day.

  2. Re abstinence, the answer is to grow up around the healthcare crowd, who have medical journals with photos of genital warts.

    My mother is a retired nurse. She sat down with my sister and me early on and talked to us — complete with illustrations — about the gory details of birth control, STDs, and rates of pregnancy with various forms of birth control.

    This was a highly effective way to promote abstinence, as we remained grossed out for several years. Which I suspect was the intent.

  3. I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.

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